Tag: #heaven

Learning to Be Intentional

My parents moved across country when they were a young married couple and raised us girls without the blessing of having family close by. The friends they made through our church community were the people with whom we celebrated holidays, went camping, and shared memories. The families in this group of friends became part of the foundation that supported us as we grew up. Last week, we learned the sad news of the passing of two of the men from this foundational friend group. It’s hard to grow older and lose friends and loved ones. No one really prepares you for the harsh reality of the stage of life my folks are in. Someday, I’ll probably write about that. We have plenty of books like, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” but few answer the question, “What to Expect When You’re Aging.” That’s a topic for another day. Today, I want to share about one of these men, Bob.

I just found out that Bob actually passed away back in December. Ugh. The thought that he had been suffering with a serious illness, and I had not reached out to offer my support because I was unaware, is crushing me. One of the main reasons I feel so badly about this, is that this man, whom I hadn’t seen in person in many, many years, has been one of my biggest supporters since my Dad’s stroke. Despite all the years that had passed since our families were last together, Bob reached out and continued to do so for years. It was as if he understood that I was missing my Dad’s voice, so he made the effort to be there for me to cheer me on since Dad couldn’t. He didn’t try to be him or take his place, but he offered that fatherly type of support that only a Dad can give, and that every kid needs to feel (even those kids who are getting up there in age with grandkids of our own!) After hearing of his death, I re-read the countless emails we exchanged. I now count them as treasured gifts. These were emails where he regularly encouraged me to write a book, or shared his thoughts about God and love, or spoke of how we deal with suffering. I take solace in knowing (because he told me so many times) that the Holy Spirit somehow used my posts to draw him closer to God. In simply sharing about his own aging process, he said he felt renewed comfort in what was in store for him someday. He was confident in all the glory that awaited when it was his time to go. He never shared that was likely right around the corner; I had no idea. But, I have no doubt where he is now. Praise God for that sweet assurance.

At the same time, as I read all those emails to and from Bob, I have to take pause for some serious self-reflection. How had I let a year go by since I wrote him last? Why didn’t I think to check-in and make sure he was doing ok? What on earth was I so busy doing that I couldn’t take a few minutes to drop a line to someone who had been so incredibly supportive of me in my darkest days? It’s a vaguely familiar feeling of the words I shared at my Grandma’s funeral when she passed away. Gram wasn’t always easy. Sometimes it was hard to be patient. When she passed, I spoke at her funeral about how her death taught me what was important. It taught me to prioritize. Well, apparently, this student still has a lot to learn. Because, once again, I’m feeling like I fell short of being the kind of person I know God calls me to be – of the kind of person I want to be.

I don’t want to use this blog to be preachy to anyone else, but I do want to use it to explore what is important to me. I want to use it to challenge me to be intentional with my thoughts, words, and actions. Am I telling the people important to me that they are, indeed, important? If I see something beautiful or a gift in someone, do I freely share that compliment with them? Am I being fully present to others? Am I consistently practicing gratitude? Am I using my time wisely? Am I prioritizing my health, my relationships, my growth, my God? At the end of my life, will the deep sigh I let out be one of pleasure and satisfaction with how I showed up to others, or one of regret for all the missed opportunities to be who I was made to be?

Bob’s passing has brought all these and many more questions to light for me. It’s been a couple very deep days of reflection and tears and heartwarming, thought-provoking conversation with my incredible sister, Traci. (How blessed am I to have someone so dear to process all these emotions with!) I definitely don’t have all the answers, but I think I’m asking the right questions. And, for that, I am very thankful.

I’ll leave you with this – It’s the closing of the last email Bob ever wrote to me. I had shared with him that I was feeling sad about my Dad’s inability to converse and the void that absence caused in my heart. But at the same time, I felt silly complaining because so many people had it worse than we did. He wrote to me, “You feeling pain now at the loss of relationship is very understandable, regardless of the problems of others. We are, after all, feeling beings. Just know that in the real world, many are able to see you, and share your feelings with you, especially in your posts. You never know whom you may touch.” And, as always, he signed off with his well known sentiment, “Every day is an adventure.”

Bob, I’m eternally grateful that you chose to see me. That you gave me permission to feel all the feels. That you so often shared with me that my words touched you. And that you always reminded me that every day – every single day – is an adventure. I was blessed by your love and support and hope to become a better person by the lessons your passing has taught me. Until I see you again…

Recalling miracles and dreaming of heaven

I recently read a book called, “To Heaven and Back,” by Dr. Mary C. Neal, and I can’t stop thinking about it. It had such a profound impact on me that I finally decided I just had to share my thoughts with anyone who might be interested.

I don’t want to give too much away, but in a nutshell, the book is about a doctor who has a near death experience. She basically dies, goes to heaven and comes back to earth. It gives details about her experience – what she went through in dying, who and what she saw in heaven, what messages she received and how she lived after returning. It speaks of angels, offers hope and gives a glimpse into the beauty of eternal life in heaven with a God who loves us deeply and personally. It is the kind of book that changes one’s perspective on life now and life as it will be.

The gift of this book came at an interesting time. I had just attended three funerals in two weeks – my high school YoungLife leader, a childhood friend of my husband’s and a lifelong family friend. Shortly thereafter, a dear friend’s mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer. A high school acquaintance unexpectedly died of a heart attack. Another family friend took a bad turn with their Alzheimer’s disease. As I was considering whether to write a blog about the book another friend reached out to me who has lost both her first husband and daughter to unexpected, early deaths. Two of my dear college friends have recently lost their fathers, and if you follow me, you know about my own father’s strokes and the aftermath of his health challenges.

My point is this: my world felt suddenly flooded with death and illness, yet, after reading this book, the hope I was feeling for those who suffer and those who pass on was so profoundly deep, that I knew I had to share. I’ve believed in God for as long as I can recall. I have always had the hope of heaven and have certainly read about its’ splendor in the Bible. But, somehow, the account from Dr. Neal just made it all come alive in a new and different way for me.

It’s made me reflective of all the miracles, big and small, that I’ve experienced in my own life. Like the time in high school when doctors were convinced I had a brain tumor. I experienced the Anointing of the Sick. I prayed for peace alone in my hospital bed and received a solid answer when I opened my bible to Psalms 6. I was visited in the hospital by a man I didn’t know who “was being obedient to God to come to my room and tell me I was going to be healed” — only to stump all the doctors and, indeed, be completely healed with no logical explanation.

Or, like the time back in the 90’s when my husband and I were having marital problems. I walked into a Christian bookstore and prayed for answers. I was led directly to a book by Jimmy Evans called, “Marriage on the Rock; God’s Design for your Dream Marriage.” It was the first book I touched. I read the book cover-to-cover and realized that there was still hope for us if we decided to “do marriage God’s way.” And during that same time, a man who didn’t know of our troubles, out of the blue, proclaimed to Howard, “You don’t want to be divorced.” Hope was born for both of us because God chose to speak loudly to us, and we chose to listen. We just celebrated 33 years of marriage, and even when it is hard, I know God has a plan for us.

Or, the time my auto-immune disease was so severe that I was considering a serious life-altering surgery. I was so very sick. My daughter, Chelsea, was getting married, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to enjoy the celebration. I prayed in earnest to be well enough to get through the day. And, sure enough, I was completely symptom-free for the first time in years for the entire wedding and reception. From the beginning of the day until the time I got back to our hotel room – not a single symptom. What a praise!

These are just a few of the many miracles that I’ve experienced. There have been others, both big and small. And, sometimes it takes a book or a conversation with a friend or a knock upside the head to remember what I’ve already known. Our God is so personal. He’s so in love with us. He has a plan for each of us. If we pay attention, watch and listen, He shows up. I mean, He really shows up. How blessed are we to have been created by such a God?

One of the things Dr. Neal suggests in her second book is to write out a simple chronology of our life that highlights the significant events we’ve experienced thus far. She then encourages us to sit back and reflect on those times. She asks us to become aware of when and how our loving, active and present God may have touched our lives in ways we may not have noticed at the time. I started this exercise last night. It’s been a pretty cool process to put my life in bullet format and just take the time to remember. What I know for certain is that God has ordained my steps and brought me some of the most incredible people to know, love and learn from. And He has been there with me every step of the way. I highly recommend you give this exercise a go. You just may be surprised at what the process unveils for you.