A repost from CaringBridge, March 6, 2020
It’s been exactly a year since DadPapaRon’s first stroke. So much has happened over the past year. I went back to the beginning of our journey and re-read some of my first posts here on CaringBridge. Such daily change, fear and desperation back then. A year later, (aside from his recent seizure) we’re in more of a rhythm. A new normal has found its way into our lives, and we go through each day more accepting of what is. What he is. What that reality means for all of us.
It’s still hard for each of us to believe we’re here, though. We make a conscious effort to embrace him right where he is. We know he is enough – even if he doesn’t improve. But, part of the struggle is in the not knowing when and how much to push for more effort from him. He’s tired. His brain has been damaged. We believe he still doesn’t put it together that working hard outside of therapy is required for healing to happen more quickly. We know he doesn’t fully understand this concept, because the man we know wouldn’t accept his feeble walk, motionless arm and hand and unintelligible words; he just wouldn’t accept them. He’d push and push and push. But, the brain is complex. He’s suffering from both apraxia (he wants to talk and move but can’t) and aphasia (he doesn’t fully understand or process completely what’s being said). These conditions make it so challenging for him, and they make us realize that we just shouldn’t push too hard because it’s completely exhausting for him.
Regardless, as today marks the one-year anniversary of his stroke, we worry that steps toward improvement may not be as big now. The more time that passes, the harder it becomes for the brain to heal. At least that is what the medical professionals say. But, we also know that anything is possible because we love and worship a God of miracles; we’ve already seen so many. So, we continue to pray for improvement and healing. We know so many of you pray for the same thing. We are so grateful you’re helping lift his needs up and supporting us during this walk.
This past year has taught the Horan Clan many things. Among them:
- If you’re building a family, be sure the structure is solid with Christ as the foundation and unconditional love as the walls. You never know when the earthquakes will come, and you’ll want that incredible structure to weather the storm. I’m convinced we could never have survived this emotional rollercoaster as well as we have without that family structure that Mom and Dad built for us.
- Be thankful. Cherish the people in your life, and tell them regularly how much you love and appreciate them. You never know what tomorrow will bring, and you don’t want to live with regrets.
- Instill confidence in your kids. There’s nothing like the confidence that comes from a parent’s belief in their child. When words are absent, you realize how much you long to hear them – how important they were to have in your head all along as you grew up.
- Reach out to others. We were meant to live in community. The support, love, prayers and strength of others is so huge when you’re struggling. Being ok with vulnerability and asking others to come alongside you in a time of need is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of how blessed you are that others care.
- Be there for others. We have all been so totally humbled by your support. It has demonstrated for us the importance of us being there for others when they are going through difficult times. Even when we don’t know what to say or do, it’s still valuable and appreciated to show love and support and to pray.
- In a moment’s notice everything really can change. We hear this all the time. Honestly, though, until you live it, you just don’t get it. I know so many reading this have learned this lesson the hard way – in a completely permanent way, with a loved one passing away. In our case, the moment’s notice changed our ordered reality drastically. Whether it’s a death or serious injury, everything really can change on a dime. So, the lesson here for all of us is to live each day fully, expressing our love to others, forgiving quickly, appreciating the gifts we’ve been given, growing closer to each other and to God.
- Be prepared with logistics. Health screenings, consistent medications, advanced directives, wills and trusts and decisions about ongoing care.. Take care of business. Have the hard conversations. Plan when you’re healthy, able and not stressed. I’m not saying we’ve all done all this yet, but we sure understand the importance of it!
- We are not in control – but God is. Faith that God has a plan. He loves us. He sees us. He wants what’s best for us — even when life doesn’t make sense — that kind of faith, breathes life into your weary soul. It gives strength when you’re tired and peace when your circumstances suggest that’s impossible. Faith gives purpose.
- Introduce your kids to the One who loves them even more than you do. We learned from Mom and Dad that it’s our job to make the introduction, arrange time together, encourage interaction. But, we’ve also learned, at the end of the day, it’s up to our kids to decide who they build a relationship with. It’s up to them to engage, learn from and love who they choose. They must find their own faith. But, we are so aware that it was our parents that made the introduction to God for us, and no words can express how truly grateful we feel for that now as adults.
I could write a book about all these, and so many more, lessons we’ve learned over the last year. But, this post is getting long, and duty calls to get to work. So, I’ll simply end by saying thank you from all of us in the Horan Clan. Thank you for living this last year in the trenches with us. Thank you for your prayers and support. Thank you for caring enough to read these updates and loving us enough to show and tell us. It’s been one heck of a year.
If Dad could talk and use both his arms, we know he’d give you each a big giant hug and offer a deep sigh and a huge, “Thank you. I love you. It’s gonna be alright,” kind of encouragement. He used to always talk about “Christ among us.” You certainly have been that for him and his family.
Here’s to Year Two, Round Two- Lets go, God! We’re ready! 👍🏻❤️😊
Faith, Family & Life 